Medication and Mental Health Shame

Today I had a sports massage for the first time. IT was my first one, so naturally I was a bit nervous. I had to fill in a questionnaire; one question was ‘Are you on any medication?’

The correct answer is ‘Yes, I am on Aripiprazole and Procyclidine’. But I still found myself ticking the ‘No’ box. When in the massage room, I was asked again, and of so, what its for. After a pause I said yes, I was on medication for head stuff, not physical stuff. She didn’t understand, and I had to explain that it was a mood stabiliser. I didn’t feel comfortable saying this, and I didn’t even mention the second pills which I have to take twice a day. I have to admit, I felt ashamed. It felt like I was showing a weakness of some kind.

This got me to thinking about something really important; that people like me, people who are on medication just to make life survivable, are the people who can change the stigma. If I have the strength to hold my head up high and say ‘Yes, I am on medication’ and if they ask why, I just say ‘to help with my Borderline Personality Disorder’. If I had severe asthma or kidney problems, I would be able to casually mention my medication. It wouldn’t be my fault. Yet the mention of casual Mental Illness just doesn’t seem possible, I feel embarrassed, I feel like people will judge me by either being scared of it, thinking I’m making it up, or thinking I’m seeking attention.

We can change this, by being brave enough to mention mental health casually. ‘Yes, I’m on medication for a personality disorder, it doesn’t have physical affect so shouldn’t be a problem’. I am not saying every human needs to know, but at the same time, I am determined that today won’t happen again. I will not be ashamed; I will just answer with the truth about my reality. Because it’s not a reality I need to feel guilty about.