Getting by with a little help from our friends

A key part of living with a mental health disorder is being supported. This can come from a variety of places; mental health professionals, counsellors, therapists, and importantly, friends and family. I am usually on the receiving end of the support from friends, but I have also been in the position of being the friend trying to give the support. This post is to the friends, for those who fight for us and only get repaid by keeping us as a friend. Its not your job, but you care enough to dedicate your time.

Firstly, thank you. Thank you for being selfless enough to help a friend who struggles with something you can’t physically see. Thank you for not giving up on them, thank you for believing in them and knowing that they are worth the help.
I understand that its hard; its tiring sometimes, when you have to give time that perhaps you don’t have. When you are trying everything to help them, and it just isn’t changing anything. When you have to watch the person you love go through a lot of pain and know that all you can do is tell them you’re there for them, and hope that they pull through. I even understand the pain of the times where you think you might be about to lose them, when you’re scared that this time they might not manage to pull through. You are amazing to stay there, taking that risk, and continuing to believe that somehow they will find a way, because you know they’re worth it.

If you’re at a loose end and don’t know how to help, it is important to remember that Mental Illness is often overwhelmingly lonely. This isn’t because friends aren’t doing enough, it’s just because the journey taken to recovery ultimately has to come from us, and when things go wrong, we are the first to know, and at that moment, we are likely to be alone. Asking for help can be lonely, and not being able to find the help is even more lonely. As the friend, you make this so much easier. It can be a random text just to remind them that you care or that you love them, it can be an impromptu meet up, or it can just be a conversation about something unrelated to the illness to help them feel like there is more to life. You have the power to be the ultimate distraction, and to provide a human safety net.

I also think it’s really important that in those times where perhaps you can’t help, or just don’t know how or what to do, that is okay as well. You’re allowed to do the wrong thing, and its okay if sometimes there’s nothing you can do. We know that you’re human and ultimately the responsibility relies in us and in the hands of mental health professionals.

I am lucky enough to have some absolutely incredible friends, and I have no idea how I am lucky enough to have them, but I also know that random texts and care that they give is sometimes the boost I need to keep fighting. Thank you from me, but also thank you to all the friends out there who make it possible for us to fight an illness which you can’t even see.